Happy Friday, guys!! Long time, no see, right? I kind of dropped off the face of the Earth for the last few weeks. Simply put: I needed a break. I can’t even type that without hearing Ross’ voice screaming “We were on a break!” It might have seemed sudden but it was actually several weeks in the making. Let me start from there.
With the end of 2016 (Thank god that year is over) and the start of 2017, my life was up in the air. I typically try to keep my professional life off the blog though some of you have figured it out and I’ve even met blog readers at work events and happy hours (Hi!). Without going too into it, there was some uncertainty in my workplace. It seemed like an emotional roller coaster. One minute, I’d think to myself “Everything will be fine, it will all work out.” And then another little voice would pipe up, “But what if it doesn’t?” Rude.
Spoiler alert: It all worked out.
But for weeks, my anxiety was at an all-time high. I hadn’t experienced prolonged anxiety since graduating college and hunting for my first real job. Then my anxiety came back with a vengeance. The stress dreams that I had had in 2012 came back several nights a week and overall, I just did not feel like myself. I began having anxiety attacks to the point that I couldn’t really do much after work and on the weekends except go to bed.
In probably the lowest point, I woke up one Saturday morning after a really good night’s sleep and decided to go to a barre class. I hadn’t felt up to going to barre for what felt like forever and as I grabbed my sticky socks and headed out the apartment door, I felt my mood immediately lift. Class started and we began the warmup, I felt a little rusty but nothing unusual. Then halfway through the arms workout, I started seeing stars. I tried to tell myself to push through but then a different little voice firmly said, “Don’t push it. Give yourself a break.” And for the first time since I started Pure Barre, I grabbed my things and left class early. I was still seeing stars so I waited a few minutes and slowly sipped water before heading down to my Uber. I normally hate Ubering places when I know I could walk there but this definitely was a time for an exception. I shakily got in the Uber and called my parents to tell them what happened. After assuring them multiple times I would let them know when I got home, I texted a few of my friends, especially the ones who lived close to me, just as a precaution. I went home and even though I had slept for almost 9 hours the previous night, I pulled the covers over my head and fell back asleep for another 4 hours.
I woke up feeling a bit better but I still spent the rest of the day in bed.
Anxiety attacks are the worst. I feel like my heart is racing and that I can’t take a deep breath like I normally do. The racing heart always makes me feel more anxious and it becomes a vicious cycle. My recent anxiety period didn’t just suddenly stop after the workplace uncertainty was resolved. It took a few weeks after to feel truly myself again.
During this time, I took a moment to truly hit pause for the first time in awhile and take a good hard look at my health and wellness habits. I re-activated my Goodreads account and made a list of books to read. Currently, I’m switching between The Dude Diet and Better Than Before.
After hearing about the Headspace app on one of my favorite podcasts for awhile, I finally downloaded it and gave it a shot. Headspace offers 10 free 10-minute meditation exercises and they were amazing. I typically am horrible about falling asleep but after using the app just once, I slept like a baby and actually woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. Using the Headspace app has also really helped me with going to sleep at a reasonable time. I set an alarm for 10:15 through the app to remind me it’s time to meditate. I use it as my 5 minute warning to get my act together for tomorrow and get into bed by 10:20. I set my actual alarm for the morning and then hit play on the meditation exercise. It’s been working like a charm!
I also re-examined my eating habits and how I was fueling my body and decided to make a few tweaks. I’m actually going to be doing a 28-day reset starting February 1st so I’ll talk more about that later.
I’m so happy to be back at the barre and am trying to up my endorphins/happiness level. I booked a few Platform classes to even out my Pure Barre and even booked a bike for a Flywheel spin class this weekend! My college roommate and I are meeting up to ride and then an early dinner. The beauty is after you lived with someone for 2+ years, you have zero shame about being completely drenched in sweat from head to toe in front of them. True friendship.
This week, I needed a break. I had some content in the works that could have gone out but I went with my gut and chose sleep and re-centering myself over pressuring myself to get a blog post written and some tweets scheduled to go out. I chose my wellness over my blog and I am 100% happy with that decision. There were times when I really missed having a blog post but go out but I ultimately felt at peace with my choice.
Whew, that was a lot of information and definitely a lot more personal than I typically get on my blog. But it feels like such a relief to get that off my shoulders. Now, my batteries are fully charged and I’m back and ready to create more content for you!
Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on Monday!
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